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February 16, 2008


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Thank you Chula :).

We are still working through this. If there is anything I've learned in this DD journey is that it is definitely a constant work in progress.


Sounds like discouraging times, April. I really feel for you. I don't want this to sound trite or insincere, but I do want to encourage you. I want you to know you are not alone in these feelings.

I don't know how many times I've felt the same thing myself. It's so hard to be moving toward such closeness, knowing that DD is the tool that God is using, then to see it all slip away.

I wonder sometimes if EJ just doesn't value our relationship as much as I do. Doesn't he see the benefits? Doesn't he want to be close to me? I could go on all day.

The bottom line is, I have to deal with these feelings each time as a new and different dilemma. God has something new to say to me each time and it is a growing experience. Sometimes, God wants me to count my blessings and remember that He gives me what I need. He wants me to depend on Him and grow in patience.

And sometimes, He wants me to remember that EJ is a man and thinks differently from me. He values the relationship just as much, but how he shows that value is just different.

What's frustrating to me may be God's way of teaching me. It's no fun, just like a serious spanking, but it's the best way for growth.

Yes, I also know there are bad things that happen and sometimes we suffer as a result of sin not our own. Still, God can take anything and make it turn out for good.

I know you are looking at this as a growing opportunity. I'm praying for you, that God will strengthen you and let you see the good that will come out of this.

As for your question, yes, I do think that sometimes all we have is "part-time" and if that's what we have, that's what we accept. In our hearts, it's full-time. Full-time submission and full-time obedience are a matter of my heart, not EJ's consistency.

This is, to me, one of the big proofs that DD is not just about spanking. I carry on in my heart, even when EJ is dealing with his own things and can't deal much with me. It's a matter of the heart and that's what God is concerned with first, anyway, I think.

Hang in there. May God send his peace and understanding to you and Hunter to draw you together through these tough times.


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