A Thing of the Past?

My husband is in seminary to be a music minister and
I noticed that he doesn't spank me like he used to. I
don't know what to do?!? I love him with or with out
discipline, but to be honest I really want it in my
life. Does any one have advice?

Comments

[Susan]

The key to any good DD relationship is communication. You need to have a talk with your husband and tell him you are feeling a bit neglected. My guess is that he is focused on his schooling right now, and does not realize you are missing his attention.

My husband and I do not do 'maintenance' spankings, although many others we know do find them invaluable. I do, however, have the option of simply telling him that I need his attention, and he will spank. I will also tell him if i am beginning to feel 'stressed', and he will help me to destress with a spanking. My point... You need to communicate and tell your husband of your need, and ask him why he isn't spanking. Hopefully this discussion will result in a nice spanking for you.
:-)

Susan

[Emma]

If it’s any consolation, every woman in a seasoned domestic discipline relationship has been where you are. There’s sort of a “honeymoon period” couples go through when they start the DD lifestyle. It’s very liberating for both the husband and wife to defy convention and live out their principles through giving and receiving loving discipline. Spankings are not only more frequent during this discovery period as the couple tests what does and does not work, but also because - let’s face it, ladies - there is an erotic undertone to discipline. Even though its not overtly sexual, the lifestyle makes a man feel more masculine and a woman more feminine.

But like a marital honeymoon, the DD honeymoon doesn’t last forever. The intensity eventually levels out, and sometimes the demands of life supplant the disciplinary regimen. Kids, jobs, stress at work or school -- these things can and do get in the way.

My advice is to talk to your husband. He may be missing the disciplinary aspect of your life, too, even if the stress of his studies has left him too tired to follow through. The last thing you want to do is brat or act up in a way to force his hand. If you do he may end up being more frustrated by the lifestyle than fulfilled by it. Men know when they’re being manipulated, and domestic discipline is about the man taking the lead, not the wife.

I agree with the prior advice given here about maintenance spankings. If you’re not doing that already, you may want to suggest it to your husband. My husband and I started doing this when our relationship fell into a rut and it really revitalized it. Not only did I feel more “settled” by the spankings, but they took away the temptation to act out in a manner that - while earning me a spanking - would have undercut the dynamic we had worked so hard to build.

Hope this helps. God bless and good luck!

[Chula]

This has got to be a painful situation for you. I know it may be embarrassing to approach him on this topic, but you have to do it, if you want things to change.

Communication is the key. If you pray about when and how to talk to him, you'll at least have the confidence of knowing that you are doing your best to improve your marriage as you try to get some answers.

And here's the thing I've found about communication, especially about DD: once is not enough. I can't just say, "Well, I told him. He ought to know." I'm not advocating nagging, but I'm just saying that it can take several tries in several different ways to get an idea across.

So just face it like you'd face any other problem in your relationship, is what I would do. If you usually go for a drive and talk things over, do that. If you often write him letters to tell him things that are bothering you, do that. Whatever method works for you, just try it and then give it some time to sink in before you try it again.

Hopefully, y'all will be able to work something out.

Chula

[Annie]

The answer here is communication. You aren't clear in your question whether he has stopped spanking completely, or just mostly. You also don't really say whether most of your previous spanking was for DD, erotic fun, or a mix. But whatever, you need to talk about it.

Obviously, at some point he accepted the activity. So why did he stop? Does he feel that it was *really* something sort of borderline that you guys did when you were younger that now that he's a "respectable" minister, it's no longer appropriate? OR, if spanking was mostly for some level of genuine DD, did he stop because, well, it worked? If he was spanking for some sort of bad habit, or inappropriate behavior, and it pretty much corrected the behavior, he may see no reason to continue to spank. And this is one you MUST talk about because one of the biggest pitfalls of DD are wives who must "brat" to get the spankings that they need.

If this is the case, you need to tell him that you like the disciplinary "feel" of maintenance spankings. A lot of men who see the "pure practicality" of a genuine punishment spanking have a hard time understanding the idea of maintenance discipline. But hopefully, if you tell him honestly and openly how you feel, he'll be willing to come back to this.