Do We Have to Spank?

My husband and I want to practice DD. We go to a conservative church where traditional values are respected. We have no idea if any couple that we know uses spanking, but I have never heard it even suggested.

Alot of the "ideas" of DD make sense to us. There are times that I feel the need to "pay" for my actions, but we are not comfortable with the idea of spanking. Can we still do or use DD?

From Roberta

Comments

[Chula]

I can heartily agree with the others here. DD is a matter of the heart and how you practice it is up to you.

To me, what distinguishes DD from how I lived before is just the idea of negative consequences. Before DD, my husband was still the head of our household. He just didn't have a constructive way to express his displeasure when it happened.

He would get quiet or get cold, those sorts of things, but often he just hid it, and I didn't even know. How am I supposed to follow the Biblical guideline to "seek ways to please her husband" when he wouldn't tell me what to avoid?

With DD, he has a clear-cut way to let me know how he feels. He doesn't have to go quiet any more, which I hated, or keep me guessing. He's always great to praise me when I'm pleasing him. DD just gives him a way to calmly, regularly and effectively let me know when there is something that could be going better.

Spanking works for us b/c it reaches my heart as nothing else can. If you find what reaches your heart, and he uses that to let you know how he's feeling, that's a beautiful thing.

Hoping for the best for you!
Chula

[Susan]

Hi Roberta, No, of course you do not have to spank to practice DD. As Annie mentioned in her post, there are alternate punishments that may be used as consequences, but to be very honest, I prefer spanking. Once the spanking is over, the matter is forgiven and you can move forward. With alternate punishments, such as grounding, or computer restriction, the punishment can go on for several days, or even a week or longer. It seems as though it takes a long time to get past the incident. My husband almost never gives lines that can be written once, but will assign them to be written daily for a week. I have a terrible time losing what precious little free time I have to writing lines, and I would much rather he spank me when warranted.

However, I do realize that spanking is NOT for everyone, and if it truly does not feel 'right' to you and your husband, then it is not mandatory to spank to live a DD lifestyle. (My guess, however, is that others in your Church DO spank, but are embarrassed to talk about it.)

Good luck to you...

Susan

[Annie]

Of course you can use DD! One of the BIGGEST misconceptions of DD - due to I think a lot of negative publicity on the Internet - is that this is nothing but spanking porn in disguise!

It's not. DD is a lifestyle where a wife voluntarily submits to her husband's headship AND agrees to be "corrected" by him if he feels it's appropriate (i.e, if she's violated some marital boundary in some way.) Although MOST couples do use spanking as a traditional, direct, and very effective DD choice, some do not. I have heard of wives being simply scolded, having to write letters of apology for whatever it was they did wrong, required to do lines, write out Bible chapters, be grounded from computer or activities, submit to mouth-soaping, etc. in lieu of spanking.

There is no right or wrong way to practice DD. (Well, maybe there ARE some wrong ways, but that's another topic. LOL!) Whatever you feel as a couple is "right."

That having been said, I wonder a bit why you won't consider spanking. From personal experience, I will tell you that being turned bare-bum over my husband's knee, getting a pretty direct lecture, then a no-nonsense spanking with a paddle focuses and, yes, "corrects" me in a way that "writing lines" could never do. There's NOTHING like a really sore tail to make you consider the error of your ways. I think fathers AND husbands have known this for generations and there's a good reason for that.

That having been said, good luck to you! You can have a wonderful DD relationship ithat suits you. In the end, as long as you please the two of you and your God, don't let anyone pressure you do to anything different.

Annie